The Rest of the Incompleteness

Yesterdayʼs post was the first few pages of a never-completed spring play idea (never finished partly because I never decided what fairy tale we were going to mangle once we concluded the sort of nonsense you are about to read and did read yesterday).

If you recall, the rowdy members of a bad audience were getting called upon to become the play (r1, I believe, indicates the lead Rowdy). We left you at a PAUSE…

ANOTHER SPRING PLAY (continued)

one more (unfinished) blurt in a series of twisted tales from folk traditions

by John Randolph Burrow

[Pause]

You’re not moving.

Neither are you.

I was waiting for you.

I was waiting for you.

Come on.  This is stupid.  Let’s all go.

[ROWDIES and some AUDIENCE members go up on the stage, crawling under the curtain.  The LIGHT CREW laughs.  Voices come from behind the curtain.]

OK.  We’re here.  No one else is.

Where’d they all go.

Who knows?

r1  [peeking under the curtain] Come on, Mike, where is the cast?

[Gym lights start switching off.]

r1  Hey, the lights are going off.

What?  —Let me see!  —They are!  —Wait.  What’s going on now?

[The CURTAIN begins to open.]

Who’s doing that?  Go get him.

[STAGE LIGHTS come up.]

Mike!  Delbert!  What are you doing?

LIGHT CREW  The play just started!

ROWDIES  What’s going on here?

LIGHT CREW  You’re the play!  You were right all along.

ROWDIES  What do you mean we’re the play?

LIGHT CREW  It’s some nutty idea Burrow had.   “Found theater. “  He explained it to us in drama class.  He stole the idea from highbrow music.  Some guys in modern classical music, they just show up at a concert hall and do nothing, and whatever noises happen to happen, that’s the music.

ROWDIES  And people pay money for this?

LIGHT CREW  You did.

ROWDIES  Oh yeah?

LIGHT CREW  Yeah.

ROWDIES  Well, what if we don’t want to be the play?

LIGHT CREW  You already are.

ROWDIES  We could sit back down.  What about that, smart guys?  We could just sit back down, and what are you going to do then?

LIGHT CREW  Uh . . .

ROWDIES  What if we just leave?

I’d do that.  I wanted a part in this play, at first, but he only offered me garbage.  I don’t feel like being your  “found drama. “

What about costumes?  What about make-up?

You’re not getting me to wear any make-up!!

Me, either.

ACTOR  [coming onstage] Okay, guys.  You can relax.

Relax?

ACTOR  Yeah.  We knew this was a really dumb idea.

[Other ACTORS drift onstage.]

OTHER ACTORS  Yeah.  It was really stupid.  Pretending to practice.

r1  So what happens now?

ACTOR  It’s over.

ROWDIES  Over?!!

ACTORS  Yeah.  It was like really dumb.  Don’t worry.  It’s over.

r2  So what are you going to do?

ACTOR  That’s it.  The play’s finished.

ACTORS  We discussed it at  “practice.”  Whatever happens is what happens.

ACTOR  Well, it happened.  It’s finished.  Let’s kill the lights.  Curtain!

r1  Now wait.

ACTOR  What?  You want a curtain call?

No.  We can do this.   I wanted a good part.  Back in March.  He didn’t give me one.  Now I can have a really big role.

Yeah.  Me too.  I didn’t have time to practice, but I wanted a part.

There’s nothing to it.

Oh, yeah, easy for you to say.

You’ve all been onstage before.

I don’t want anything to do with it.

It’s easy.

Says you.

Hey, if they’re going to . . . call it off . . .

How hard can it be?

I mean, really . . .

They’re all looking at us.

Come on, what do you say?

ACTOR  What?  You’re going to do a play?

Yeah.  It’s easy.

ACTORS  What play are you going to do?

We’ll do like he does.  A fairy tale.  All we need is a story.

ACTORS  You’re nuts.  This isn’t what’s supposed to happen.  You’re supposed to get tricked up here, look like fools, and sit down.  It’s like a joke.  You’re not really supposed to do anything.

Yeah?  Well, we’re up here now.  We’ll do what we want.  [to audience] What do you say?  Want a play?

AUDIENCE  Better than going home!

See?  Now all we need is a story.

Three Little Pigs?  —Too dorky.

Little Red Riding Hood?  —Be real.

Snow White?  —Ever heard of Brick Red?  We did it.

ACTOR  Um . . . if you’re interested, I have a book.

“BOOK TITLE “?

A kid’s book?!

ACTOR  At least I read.

Who cares?  Has it been a spring play yet?

ACTOR  No.  He was going to adapt it this year, but . . . you know …

ALL  He wasn’t inspired.

r1  Okay.  We’ll do it.  I’m the storyteller.

Why you?

r1  Because I want a good part.

ROWDIES  What about us?

r1  I’ll tell you your parts.  Come on, let’s get started.

Sound familiar to some of you (former students and spring play veterans)? It probably should, although this exact beginning was never, of course, used. —Did anyone notice some real students got their first names included (which should date at least  revised version of this abortive opening)?

Obviously I was losing interest by the portion todayʼs post represents. I havenʼt even assigned speakers yet for most of the lines.

In a long nutshell, though, you do see most of my favorite gimmicks and tropes: using everyone in the play—actors, crew, even the actual audience, self-references galore, mocking me…

Maybe Iʼll provide something of value tomorrow… (I hope I do.)

©2010 John Randolph Burrow, Magickal Monkey Enterprises, Ltd, S.A.

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